tune-in tuesday

While Tune-in Tuesday  might be infrequent, I like to think I deliver some good music. Oh, for my new followers this is where I feature the artists and songs that I'm jamming to lately. Whether it's local to the mid-west or mainstream, full-steam-ahead bands, I'm certain that you'll find something you like too! I'll post in 1 to 3 catergories:

• new 
• new to me 
• renewed 

This week I'd love to share with you a new and renewed favorite: American Youth. 

This indie-folk band (formerly happygolovely) is no stranger to the midwest music circuit. Before the change, I saw them perform at Sonshine Music Festival in Willmar, MN after they won the festivals battle of the bands; the continued to dominate in the Lifelight Festival botb in Sioux Falls, SD.  Oh, and they've been featured on a few pretty great shows: E!'s "Keeping Up With The Kardashians", "Kourtney & Kim Take New York," MTV's "Real World," and others, just to mention a few!

American Youth is:
Ben Garrett | Lead Vocals, Guitars, Piano/Rhodes, Harmonica, Percussion
Winslow Leach | Vox, Bass, Whistles, Bowed Xylophone, Field Officer, Ukulele, Guitars
Justin Swafford | Guitars, BGV's | Emily Cline | Guitars, Vocals, Piano, Trombone
Jake Neiderhauser | Drums | Lindsey Faber | BGV's, Ukulele, Percussion

After discovering a small-world connection between Ben and I (through his fiance's Tumblr, no joke) I took another look at the music. I'm betting you will love their full bodied, yet mellow tunes. Vocals that carry and fall like a leaf taken by the wind are paired with harmonies not-too-overwhelming. Oh, listen to this track  for something with a bit more movement. A friend of mine even compared them too a less electronic Modest Mouse, which I think is a fair statement.

Ben shared with me a list of bands that they've opened for and it's just as impressive:  The Rocket Summer, The Spill Canvas, The Almost, Abandon Kansas, Rooney, Relient K, Hanson, Lissie, and WALK THE MOON. (When I saw Lissie listed, I maybe fangirl-ed a little bit inside).

Seriously, look them up! 

RIP LS Little Jank

If you didn't read this post then you might not have known that I got into a minor car accident on Monday. While driving downtown to take care of some matters with Justin, we were hit. We were in the left-most lane on a one way street when a gal from out of town tried to make a left turn from the middle lane onto Nicollet (which doesn't allow thru-traffic anyways). The whole thing unfolded in slow motion. We sat stunned for about half a moment until pulling over to the side of the road on the next block where we exhanged information and the like. The gal claimed the fault immediately and it sounds like everything is going smooth with the insurance side of things. You wouldn't believe from looking at the damage to my car that they decided to simply total it; but with it being more than 20 years old it's not worth fixing.  This little car has been a friend for "the 6" and has been a blessing and a place of ministry. It's dearly beloved, and will be missed.


on a personal note:
I feel my life moving from dysfunction into function, and this chaos is almost calming because I know that there is peace coming. #obscurethoughts

what i wore: primary colors

     Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

Justin and I took care of matters at the Library, then the Police Station, and eventually went adventuring in NE Mpls. He showed me a cute shop that sells locally made items: I Like You.  Jewelry, pottery, stationary, art, lotions, cologne, you name it and they have it made local! It was great. We went to one of the best antique stores I've been to in quite a while. Melrose Antiques on 5th St in NE is filled with beautiful jewels, vintage clothing, art, china, and some of the best furniture! We fell in love with some of the great luggage (even found some that was small enough for me, that doesn't overwhelm my petite height!) and I donned so many pearls!  Can't wait to adventure with the kid again!

yellow hat:      found

navy sweater:    Justin's 

peach shirt:     thrifted

orange belt:     Target

black leggings:  Target

maroon socks:    soccer

brown shoes:     Kmart

on a personal note:  

after the accident on Monday they decided to just total my car. So now, I'm driving mom's old Sebring Convertible until we figure out what else to do. Sigh.

Photo credit: Justin took these with my camera phone.

sponsor swap and other garbage

This weekend I took a little vacation to visit some friends and family. It wasn't quite the escape from city life that I expected and most certainly didn't go nearly the way I hoped but at the very least it was the same as it always was. We can sort through that later because I'd much rather tell you about something exciting! 

I'm proud to be crossing something off my blogging goals for this year! Sponsoring another blog is something that I've wanted to do to give back a little of the love I've been getting through my blog. When I saw Kayleigh's post asking for a sponsor swap buddy I was thrilled! Her blog, A Million Little Somethings, is a great place to see God's work in her life as well as get glimpses of her Midwest life.

A Million Little Somethings

Isn't she Lovely?
A Million Little Somethings
Kayleigh Nikolai

My name is Kayleigh and I am currently trying to get through another Wisconsin winter. After 24 years, you think I would be used to it . . . but whatever!! For a day job, I work as a caregiver for adults with special needs. I love what I do but it is really high stress and I work a lot. So to relax I love to write!! I started the blog as an outlet for my writing . . . and found a dear friend! I write about my life, my thoughts, my faith, what I am reading or watching . . . just about everything! I spend my free time talking to friends, reading, watching movies/tv and trying to cross things off of my before-30 list! I live in a tiny little apartment that doesn't allow pets so for now I am content to crochet (sometimes), paper-craft (if I feel like it) and water my plants (when I remember). I am very committed to growing in my relationship with God and trying to figure out what He has in mind for my life. But until He moves me, I will keep living the life He has given me . . . and blogging along the way. Some big changes will be coming to my blog in March, so keep checking it out. I am so excited! :) I like to look at life as being made up of a million little somethings . . . join me as I blog and try to take time to see the little somethings that make up everything! 

Can't you see why I'm excited to have her as my first swap buddy?! Golly! Well, I'm off to have dinner with mom so I will leave you with a few notes to come back to in my next post! 

     notes:     

01. I have to be responsible for myself because no one else will, and no one should be!

02. This addiction I have is something outside of my control and that I need to get help before it destroys me.

03. I got into a {minor} car crash this morning and after a hectic weekend I'm thankful for those other moments of grace.

Alrighty, that's all for now darlings! 

me: in A-Z

So,  it seemed relevant to post about relationships since Valentine's was this week. I found this quiz on Tumblr and of course I dragged it over here! ... these always get a little bit too close for comfort.  

A: Who do you like and Why?

NA... and because. 

B: Have you ever been in love? If yes, how many times, and how do you know it was love?

I've been victim to the illusion of love; but it's always been skinny.

C: Longest relationship you've ever been in, and why did it end?

Lordy, I don't know. 10 months, or 10 years. Both ended because it wasn't right.

D: Have you ever changed for someone, if yes, how?

I cleaned up my life to be the good girl that he deserved; he went bad.

E: Pretend I'm you ex, what do you want to say to me?

You're probably only still talking to me because there is a part of you that feels a bit more secure knowing I'm here. You don't particularly like me even, but you need me. How do I know this? Because that's why I'm still here. We are the same.

F: Have you ever been cheated on?

Yep, most likely. I can't think of a specific time but have no doubt that it's happened.

G: Have you ever cheated?

Admittedly, yes. Though I was more faithful to my ex and our relationship than any other relationship before, EVER.

H: Would you date someone who's known for cheating, if yes why?

Not if they are known for it but if it is not a defining quality then I'd give them my trust. I've cheated, and I've been faithful. I personally know that sometimes you meet someone who is so precious to you that they are worth totally committing yourself to.

I: What's the most important part of a relationship?

God. He is the best thing we could have in common, the strongest, unchanging, stable and perfect source of love-giving unity that any relationship needs. He has all of the qualities that neither partner has or that are missing. Important relational qualities: balance, intimacy = commitment, respect, trust, willingness to bend, and adventure (lot's of adventure).

J: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

Serious. Though that never happens.

K: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?

Not particularly. If there are red flags now then there will be red flags when you return to the relationship. Besides, you don't take "breaks" when you're married so why bring that mentality into your pre-marriage relationship?

L: How many people have you ever hooked up with?

That's a good question. What is hooking up anyways?

M: What's one thing you regret saying or not saying, doing or not doing in a previous relationship?

Not waiting longer to have sex until it was with some one who loved me back.

N: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?

When they are married.

O: Do you believe in the phrase, "Age is just a number?" Why or why not?

Mostly. I think it's important to be aware of emotional/physical/life development of your partnership. It's different for a 5 year gap between 30 & 35, and 20 and 15.

P: What about "Love at first sight"? Why or why not?

I'm not convinced that you can love someone instantaneously. Love isn't just a feeling (and it's not based solely on attraction) it's doing what's best for someone. It's nurtured over time as commitment and intimacy develop beyond the point of initial interest. But, I'm intrigued by the idea that my future husband may one day look at me and immediately know that I was made for him.

Q: Turn on's?

Blah, don't wanna post about these.

R: Turn off's?

Or these.

S: What do you consider a deal breaker?

If he isn't a believer in God. And if that belief isn't affecting his life. Though you could call me a hypocrite because I often (almost always) compromise on this one.

T: How do you know it's time to end a relationship?

You just know.

U: Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, for how long? If no, how long have you been single?

No. Almost 2 months or two years depending on how you look at it. Maybe even longer.

V: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?

Yes, I do.

W: Do you think people should date their friends?

There isn't a good answer for this; though if some of my male-friends wanted to treat me to a date with them then I wouldn't deny them. But I also know that more than likely it wouldn't be kindled into a romantic relationship.

X: How many relationships have you had?

I have no way to know. 3 significant ones.

Y: Do you think love can last forever?

There is a love that last's forever and it's unchanging: God's love.

Z: Do you believe love can conquer all things?

Yes. There's a collection of 66 books about it called the Bible.

1: Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?

It would depend on their motivation and if it was just because they weren't what they expect versus if they see very real, red flags that I am oblivious to.

2: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?

None of these guys are going to be worth 2 heartbeats.

3: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Why or why

Yes, but not for me. Not right now, anyways. I'm still rehabilitating from my wandering heart.

             on a personal note:             

I'm in Wisconsin for the weekend! I'll come back with pictures I'm sure! Miss you all, lovelies!

Life Lately

Most of the time I sleep in until late morning when the morning sunlight stops filtering directly into my room; then I spend a few semi-productive hours doing nonsense at home (mostly via the internet) before going to work in the late afternoon. After work I come home to shower and usually spend a few useless hours unwinding before the laptop on either Tumblr or jumping through my favorite blogs! In line with my resolution to distance myself from virtual living I have been less stationary during my free time.

The conservatory at Como Park has been one of my favorite places to visit lately. I love living just a few blocks away! I went twice this week; I went alone the first time and my new friend Justin and I went together for my second visit. Going alone is my favorite because I could just sit and enjoy the plants and people without the pressure of another's company.

Friday we went thrusting, I mean thrifting (thrusting is an inside joke) to Unique and Discount 70. It was great fun. He found himself some fantastic pants and a gorgeous green flannel that I also seriously considered buying. There were also about fifty pairs of my tan boots there. Overstock, obviously. 

Post-thrifting we picked up Mariah and took up space at Hard Times Cafe; in the morning Justin and I met there for breakfast. Which turned into lunch. We finally went back to my house so that he and I could watch Fantastic. Mr. Fox. If you've not seen it, I highly recommend it! It's a delightful clay-created, stop motion film that shows George Clooney as one very animated voice actor.

Our friendship is parallel. Literally. Sometimes we drink bitter coffee but for the most part we sit, side my side mostly, and blog. Or make ironic remarks about the world. Or get into laughing fits that make the hours pass like minutes. We still have yet to take a nice picture together. This one is derpy to the max but that's alright.

Well, that's my life as of late. In all honesty this visit to Wisconsin didn't seem like it would be that great but it's looking really good right about now. Sometimes I just need a change of scenery and this week has been consistent in one thing: useless (but entertaining) hours spent hanging out with Justin. Oh yeah! We did some cooking together this week too. That was fun. And lavished me with gifts. Like the leather bound, gold embossed copy of Moby Dick to read, and a beautiful custom made hand made phone case.

Anyways, I'm off to bed! I'll post soon about my new mentorship, my romantic relationships, and where my faith is at... until then, darlings, be well.

on a personal note: chaos

Tonight has been one of those nights where God is giving  

a | b | u | n | d | a | n | t | l | y

and my arms are just overflowing with things to work through. 

My life is in dysfunction and in the healing process of becoming functional I'm in the stage of chaos between old and new behaviors. Chaos is a part of transformation. I'm trying to come back to my life-verse (Phil 3:8) and to pattern my life after it (read my about & bio if you're curious to know more)... this is how I want to function. But instead I'm increasing in my material wealth and have abandoned eternal, heavenly treasure-seeking. I'm blatantly unrepentant. 

The last six months have been one of  unfamiliar  darkness; this is self-imposed. 

I cried out to be changed but I'm seeing now that I've been in this changing motion all along. 

And if I'm in motion constantly then I cling to the hope that first begged my heart to change:

I am confident in this: the He who began a good work 

in you will bring it to completion at 

the day of Christ's return.

There are good things to come. 

not yet | but later*

I'm not there yet, but I'm on my way.

*"not yet but later"  is my friend Justin's idea and little did I realize the depth of meaning behind such a simple phrase. We sat, parallel, and with doodles and lists on cheap notebook paper birthing the words of wisdom. I'm quite certain these words of wisdom are universal and I hope to use them where they see fit. 

imposter

surprised by chance or some form of fate
a meeting of lives

intertwined

before the burning of bridges

fueled by imagined thievery,

this wasn't built on that bridge. 

every moment was parallel

every step separates initial identities

every breath reveals the substance inside

every minute unites two anonymous entities;

this is what it means to become tangled. 

ideas begin to dwell 

                  to swell

                             to fill up the spaces that eloquence could never fill.

darling (that's such an endearing term,

i should like to call every one by it),

look into the mirror and read the etching

objects are closer than they appear

though, my hands are the ones sketching

doodles on the pages of hearts, not books.

this is nonsense, stitched together with threads

red and binding that no doubt, will unravel

there is beauty in the unwinding.

i'm not holding my breath.

i will not be made insecure.

my certainty is this:

i am a ruby, pink and rouged by a passion

that stands alone, that isn't fashioned

created or destroyed.

i am: not yet, but later*.

*"not yet but later", and their meaning were not my inspiration, just an idea that deserves it's proper credit to JB.

on a personal note

I spend most of my life in my room, which I affectionately call my hermit-hole, but this new year has pulled me from it's comfort and safety and into some wonderful adventures! sigh. Maybe it's the late hour, or the lack of coffee, but my eloquence is swirling between nonsense and coherent thought. Either way this is what I've been up to lately!

 dinner with Hannah 
We went to East Village Grill (in the Elliot Park neighborhood). It's a great greek/middle eastern eatery that's somali owned and run. We didn't realize that there is a curtained section for women to eat alone (as that is what is culturally appropriate) but we sat at a booth near the door, away from the men who were in there watching basketball. The service was fantastic, and the food was incredible! I ordered the falafel and hummus while Hannah ordered the gyro. Both were served with a complimentary cup of vegetarian soup (that was also delish)!

It was so nice to catch up with this little lady. Though are times are few and far between I love that we can pick up where we left off. She's always speaking words from God that I need to hear, whether she knows it or not!

 making a difference 
I went to the capital on Tuesday for Second Chance Day on the Hill. The coalition is a partnership advocating for "for fair and responsible laws, policies, and practices that allow those who have committed crimes to redeem themselves, fully support themselves and their families, and contribute to their communities to their full potential." {from their website, here.} I loved listening to the different speakers in the rotunda; hearing the passion that this community has for it's people is one reason that I love my city! Too bad I didn't stay longer and catch some great photos of the event but I only had enough quarters to pay for an hour of parking so I had to slip out early.

 new friends| Justin 

met this kid last month... isn't he such a stud? After we had our first official hang out last weekend we discovered a shared passion for travelling, thrifting, diving, old books, coffee, and too many other things to list. we met up at Hard Times cafe, shared an order of hash browns and then walked around the city. As we walked through the west bank there were bikes every where. Literally, hundreds of them. He took me to this island by his house and despite it being the middle of the night, dangerously icy and bare because winter, it was awesome. On the way back to the coffee shop I took a picture of the skyline at night. The sake of art was not on our side as we tried to take picture together and this was the best we could do. I'm looking forward to our adventure this coming weekend: thrifting and more coffee shops. ah. new best friend.

 internship 
I've been working at Mr. Zero's about 1 day a week. I affectionately call it the shop and love looking through the scores of records, used books, and vintage jewelry. When I'm actually working I often do cleaning, update the mailing list, and alphabetizing just about any and everything. It reminds me of the video store my family ran when I was younger. Anyways, City Pages featured the shop last fall and you can read that article here.


 new glasses 
Mom couldn't stand my (... okay, Sara's old glasses) so she took me to get my eye exam and 2 new frames! Why is it that the machinery looks like it's from the 50s despite our advances in modern medicine?! I'll post a picture with my lovely new glasses later.

Not to exhaust you, darlings, but there's more coming soon! I'm going to Wisconsin for a few days to catch up with some old friends (haven't been to visit since last summer for the 4th of July) and ending that weekend by going to a Wolves game with my brother. Oh, and last but not least: mom let me take the car even though I haven't paid for it yet. Which means that I can begin my mentorship at 180 Degrees!  Whoohoo! 

Garbage Day

I just came back from meeting with a friend from college. She was a big influence in my life when we lived across the hall from each other my freshman year; we haven't gotten together since then, and hadn't even gotten to talk in depth since summer 2010!!! Yikes! She treated me to coffee and our time together was really good. I got to fill her in on my life from San Francisco until current (and relevant stuff prior to this season) and she filled me in on her life in the last few years as well. I feel blessed from our time. She has some of the most sincere and genuine faith out of anyone in my life, that is presented in a way that isn't just because of God's faithfulness in the "big" things but in the day to day life with Him. I confided in her that I'm currently at a point of recognizing the chaos and dysfunction in my life, and that (until a conversation with my roommate, Sara) I had a plan for re-purposing every area of my life, except the spiritual! Like I mentioned in my last message: I think it's time that I stop avoiding God. To be honest, that's plainly what I'm doing and it's foolish, for one cannot hide themselves from God!

In my conversation with Sara she called me out on a few things. Her assessment of my life was fair, and I received her kick-in-the-pants openly because in all honesty, she is right. I work maybe 30 hours a week, sleep 6-10 hours a day, and spend the rest of it virtually on myself meaning, literally virtually (online) and it's all centered around me and my "cool" lifestyle... read about it here. She encouraged me to get off my butt and serve somewhere. I'm blessed right now with a great deal of free time to use for the kingdom... and finding a second job (which is necessary to become truly financially stable). As she was pouring out this tough love I remembered a quote by Gandhi that was transforming for me in high school. "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

When my life was in need of changing direction, I was propelled into motion while in service to others. It was after I began my active involvement in my home church that faith as living action happened in my life. It was after I started joining activities/sports in school that I made my homework a priority. It was after I volunteered in programs in my community that I learned personal responsibility. Kelsey said, "do first, feel later." You don't get the feel-good feelings and endorphin's from working out until after after you've ran 3 miles. You don't get true satisfaction from fleeting, deceitful feelings; in fact, they often lead us astray (though as we align with God's will, delighting in it, our desires--our feelings-- align with His, and that's why He loves to give us the desires of our hearts. That's true feeling, desire, and satisfaction.) 

I woke up the other morning and felt completely defeated. I remember tweeting: I'm not in a field, a maze, or on a train. I don't exist in those places. I am missing. Those are three different places that I've envisioned as metaphors for spiritual living. Yesterday, after going to Bloom church in the morning and then our fellowship gathering in the evening I became aware of why I can't identify my placement. Sara asked me a few weeks ago, "Janell, which Kingdom do you live in/for?" I didn't, couldn't, answer. But as our friends sat around last night talking about prayer, the body and the kingdom I realized that I haven't been living in the kingdom that God brought me into. In all honesty, I am fully living, serving, and pursuing a worldly life right now. 100%. It's like being adopted by the King into his kingdom, sharing in the inheritance, but choosing to remain living in the alleys of the town which he called you from. I've traveled from my home kingdom, to dwell in the filth of another. Not that I've lost my place or inheritance, but that I've left it behind because "the grass is greener" in the world (LIE); it's almost a prodigal story. There was some scripture shared that brought this together for me though I forget what verses.

As I write, God is gracing me with more vision to how each of these places are connected; they are one metaphor and not many! I'll share it with you once it's written out! Well, I wanted to have a more conclusive end to those first few paragraphs, but forget how I was going to tie it up. Perhaps just this thought: our lives are constantly in motion, no matter where we are. And that I have assurance (contrary to where I was a few years, even just 6 months ago) that I am sealed in the inheritance and that God won't let me wander astray forever. He will continue to call my name, inviting me home every time. I want to have a heart tuned to hear this call, and a spirit willing to obey, the strength to repent of myself, and a soul that longs for Home. I have done a good job in trying to quench that flame, but it's one that never goes out, thankfully! If you think to pray, pray that this flame would be fanned, and that the heat would warm my cold feet (my bridegroom is waiting for me), and that I would turn toward Him in humility, obedience and that I would be drawn to him, desiring him!