weekend

Have you read my latest post about some loose ends in my life? I vowed to untangle myself from virtual living and to tie myself to life lived out. I claimed Saturday as my day to begin breaking ties and it was an interesting day.

I started by going to lunch at Panera with my mentor and friend, Sorina. We talked over soup and after our meeting, we parted ways. I hopped on the bus and made my way downtown; on the bus I met some kids who are on Tumblr. That's us when we got off at the same stop. It was one of those, "nice to meet you, goodbye!" then get off at the same stop awkwardly. This is hardly a flattering photo but it had to be done. After we finally and truly parted ways I began walking the streets of downtown alone. There is something so comfortable about those streets.

When I got to Mariah's place her mom was visiting; they were hanging some of the great photography that Mariah has shot since living in Minneapolis. They were a great team! Seriously, check out her work it's stellar! I'm proud of the work she's put into this passion and it carries over into her quality. Most recently I'm falling in love with her urban portraits and candids from her neighbor hood and city life: the heart of the city. Mariah and I went up to campus.

After running into a few old friends I walked over to Lindsay's apartment for dinner and a movie! I got to meet some of her friends and despite being the baby of the group, I felt accepted. We started to watch a Cary Grant film but ended up just having some great conversations. We talked about Deliverance ministries, spiritual giftings, and my relationship with Justin (did I mention, we're sorta talking again?) and other things too. It was a really great night! I made some new friends and look forward to seeing them soon. Hopefully.

Sunday was Sunerchomai. And Arianna spent the night. In a sort of quarter-life crisis I chopped of my hair; I've been growing it out for over a year. It looks really cute but I already miss my long curls.

              Reflections:             
A lot of the time things don't work out the way I expect. And this was no different. Going through the streets on Saturday didn't bring me the closure or independence I hoped for. I'm still an unraveling, tangled mess of a girl. And I'm kinda okay with that. If I learned anything out of the hair-cutting crisis it's this: 3 am is a bad time to make decisions.

Well, off again! 

Another Loose End

It occurred to me tonight that I should not be bound. I cannot be tied, tethered or chained. I've claimed to be a wandering soul, never lost but always searching, and yet I am beyond content to sit in my cozy, hermit-hole and live virtually. My heart is starved for adventure, explorations and discovering this world.

This winter has been one of warmth 

and perfect weather for traveling.

But daily I'm content to sleep away my mornings 

(the hazy glow of the sun behind my curtain lace is too 

enticing and beautiful to miss by leaving the confines of my bed)

while sipping endless amounts of  c o f  f e e  at my desk in the afternoon. 

Even as I write this now I am indian-style on my worn floor with tea, 

now chilled from the late night hours! Why? 

I'm pleading with myself and there is no reason that I can fathom to excuse myself. A thread of my existence is afraid to leave home because honestly, I don't trust myself. I don't trust myself not to go searching for him. Perhaps the thought of crossing paths by chance thrills me but also terrifies me. And there is a part of me that believes I can't adventure with out him; that it won't be the same. Ah, but it's coming back to me now: the peace I found when wandering vaguely familiar streets alone. I remember a time when I was content to drive in my car for miles and miles; it didn't matter where I was going as long as I was in  m o t i o n. There is freedom in being able to stop and stare in awe of a rundown building re-purposed. There is freedom in walking in the footsteps of millions of others but remaining anonymous.

a n o n y m o u s

There is freedom in seeing sights innumerable eyes have seen.

And there is freedom in witnessing what others have never seen. 

This is the end of endless hours in front of a screen; the end of virtual me.This is my loose end and resolution: to untangle myself from virtual living and to tie myself to life lived out.

places i'll go {one day}
Chicago, IL
San Francisco, CA
Portland, OR
Seattle, WA

Saturday, darling, you belong to me. 

tune-in Tuesday

Tune-in Tuesday, whoop whoop! I'm featuring the artists and songs that I've had on repeat! From local in Minnesota bands to local in someotherwhere, and any artist in between,  I'm certain that you'll find something you like too! I'll post in 1 to 3 catergories:

• new
• new to me 
• renewed

This week I'm not featuring a band or artist, but instead I'm sharing a few favorite tracks from my December, Darling playlist. Wanna hear my playlist on my channel? Search Youtube: December Darling, playlist, dandilionprincess

Lose It by Austra 

Emma Louise, singing Jungle. She's stunning.

And lastly, The Tiger and Me with their song, I left the Wolves behind that Night. Seriously, love it. 

Other Favorites:

Lissie| When I'm Alone     Kimbra| Settle Down     The Nymphs| Been a Long Time Awaiting

Grave Yard Train| Tall Shadow    The Civil Wars| Forget Me Not    City and Colour| That Girl 

Well, that's that. I think maybe this means it's time to start a new playlist, huh? Anyways, hope my sweets are doing well! I've got some more structured (and personal) posts in the works for you coming up in the next few weeks. Digging up my old worksheets from my Relationships class has been somewhat motivational for me. Lord knows that I need much restoration in my mind and life specifically regarding some major relationships... hopefully this goes well!

“The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.” 

Albert Einstein 

it's 3am, she must be lonely

I've been drinking coffee since 10am. This is my like, 6th cup. I’m not going to bed am I? Let me just say that I really need to switch to decaf at night. So, I'm applying for more jobs because I don't work enough hours at Subway to pay for my bills. They are giving me the most hours they can and I pick up other's shifts any time that I can; and now that I am getting trained in as a closer I think that it will continue to be a fairly consistent schedule (which I need and love).

Last night I went and found 35+ job postings on Craigslist that I'm interested in applying for. Most are for receptionist/customer service positions and so they require resume's. Which is stressful because depending on their needs I customize the information on it. So tonight I sent off one application and spent the rest of my time organizing a "hard copy" of my resume (offline); using colored note cards I basically converted my resume into a movable, interchangeable art piece. Being a visual learner this really helps me stay organized I think. I hope so anyways. 

Well, I think the caffeine is finally wearing off. And Tumblr has died down. And the heat is back on in my room so it's not freezing. I think I may be going to bed. Hope you don't mind this random post! I've got quite the story in the works for you, darlings! I'm hoping to have it posted by Wednesday! Ps. We had to put my kitty down after 15 years.  This is my Smokey Jo on Christmas eve this year; we sat and cuddled, while watching the Yule Log on TV for 4 hours before we both went to bed. The dog's were jealous. And rightfully so. She was really sick, and despite our best efforts we had to let her go.









Well,  it's now a quarter after 4 and I'm finally crawling into bed. Goodnight all, I love you very dearly! 

Loose Ends and Resolutions

This is the time of year that we all make good-intentioned goals and resolutions in forms of lists that we vow to finally complete (how satisfying it will be to be vindicated of our former, less competent, less beautiful, thin, organized, smart, creative selves). Well, this year I am not falling victim to that useless garbage. 

I'm not setting a list of goals that I'm not guaranteed to complete; I'm going to 

s   l   o   w       d    o    w   n 

and move at a delicate pace instead tumbling through my life. 

In my declaration against traditional resolutions I feel it is necessary to clarify what I mean when I'm using the term. Resolution means to resolve something. 
re·solve
1. to come to a definite or earnest decision; determine
2. to convert or transform by any process
3. to be reduced or changed by breaking up
4. music: to progress from a dissonance to a consonance

Change happens whether we follow our lists or not. We are transformed not by setting goals and achieving them. It happens in every moment of every day of our lives. My resolution, is that in the process of tying my loose ends I will be aware of the process of being resolved. 

l   o   o   s   e       e   n   d   s :
old·flames
new·addictions
identity·crisis
mounting·debts
mind·renewal

and a thousand more that I have yet to discover.

My life is messy and reckless; frayed. I am in a state of unrest. I need completion. I am wandering, but not lost. This is the perfect time to tie up any loose ends left vagrant. There is still a great deal of untangling to do and I'm sure there are still parts of me left to be unraveled. I say all of this humbly, from a seat of vulnerability and weakness. And in this I am perfectly strong, confident and hopeful. Who am I to say what this year will bring? I don't even know where I am going, just that I will take each day step by step until I arrive there.

tune-in Tuesday

This tune-in Tuesaday is running a little late but here it is! In this weekly post I feature the artists and songs that I've had on repeat! From local in Minnesota bands to local in someotherwhere, and any artist in between,  I'm certain that you'll find something you like too! I'll post in 1 to 3 catergories:

• new
• new to me 
• renewed

Tonight, I am highlighting another local to Minneapolis/St. Paul band: Blank Page Empire. I first heard of these guys a few years ago but didn't give them a listen until this fall. I'm happy to say that I've been listening to calm down on repeat nearly daily and still haven't gotten sick of it. 

What I really like about BPE is the way they embrace their art with a quiet passion that is unmistakable. There is a vulnerability and confidence that is dicrotic and woven into not only the lyrics but the composition as well. I'm not going to say too much but take a listen below and be impressed. I know I am.

            on a personal note:             

You'll be saddended to hear that I am still sick. I believe that it' been 2 months or more since I started this blasted cold. My symptoms: a chesty cough, greenish mucas, ringing ears (but not any more since my ears are now plugged and almost to "ear-infection" status), fatigue, and lack of concentration. Sigh. I'd love to shake this cold. Part of me wonders if it's a physical manifestation of my spiritual and emotional health. It's to the point where I have no appetite, which is fine considering I can't taste anything. Not even coffee. My world just might be crashing. . 

Garbage Day

It's been a few months since I slowed down and spent some time in my head. It's such a jumbled mess that I must first begin by untangling the ends, pulling the tight knit wad looser on all sides and then pulling each thread until the whole piles unravels. That is how we become

u | n | t | a | n | g | l | e | d

Sometimes in our lives things happen so suddenly, so unexpectedly, that we have no choice but to beg ourselves, "pinch me, I'm dreaming." I'm speechless with a thousand things to say and no words to express. I can only think in bullet points and lists right now.