Project 31

Project 31  "is a collection of thoughts, ideas, and women who portray beauty in a inspired way.  "Project 31" is you celebrating your God given beauty, and celebrating the beautiful women around you." as Mandy describes her beautiful brainchild, inspired by Proverbs 31 which says:

An excellent wife who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm,

all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax,

and works with willing hands.

She is like the ships of the merchant;

she brings her food from afar.

She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She dresses herself with strength

and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff,

and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

She makes bed coverings for herself;

her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them;

she delivers sashes to the merchant.

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women have done excellently,

but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,

and let her works praise her in the gates.

(Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV)

I stumbled upon the challenge while reading Stephanie's blog and thought that I would love to be a part of this so follow along as I explore the picture of a Proverbs 31 kind of beauty over 31 days!

Loss

Loss isn't anything new to me. When I was removed from my home in ninth grade and sent to live with my grandparents I felt a loss that was beyond anything I'd felt before; it was a radical change in my life; a pivotal experience in my testimony.

Mahatma Gandhi said that, "The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others." That quote was inspirational to me in high school and was even the start of a winning essay I wrote for a large scholarship. Pretty nearly defining how my high school career was spent, I still see the value in that statement as I have grown and matured spiritually along with me. After high school and through my time at college, however, it seemed that I wasn't so much losing myself in the service of others as much as it was just losing myself.

"Idols always break the hearts of their worshippers." (CS Lewis)

For a long time I felt myself disappearing, dying and wallowing in darkness. My prayer had been answered but I lacked understanding. Until hearing CS Lewis' quote I never made a connection between my brokenness and the relationships around me.

Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ. (Phil 3:8)

Giving up my pseudo-relationship with James is perhaps the most obvious and most recent example of God's work in my life through this scripture promise. It had been my prayer that I would loosen my grip on whatever it was that was keeping me from truly having Christ in Lordship over me and my life. I think that I knew it was him the whole time, but my pride told me that I could overcome the idol that James became on my own.

Finally, just like in ninth grade, God intervened and tore from me the thing that was between us. It's been bittersweet just like any loss is. But just like any loss there are such great gains and freedom! I've felt a peace, and wholeness since letting go of that relationship (though there is more healing before our friendship will be restored--God willing).

I wonder what other idols I have in my life? Or what other things God will call me to leave behind in this next season of life. Something tells me that I'm not done learning this lesson. I'm confident that the Lord is leading me onward to wonderful things.

inspiration set:

25 by 25

I turn 20 on Friday, this is my list of 25 things to do before I turn 25:

1. take a roadtrip

2. pay off my school debts

3. move out of my moms house

4. finish my story (ellena)

5. make some jewelry out of my odds n ends box

6. learn to make delicious vegetarian/vegan meals

7. take my dad and step mom out to dinner

8. get my own cell phone/plan

9. perform music for a live audience

10. organize all of my music collection

11. organize all of my photography

13. learn how to dance (ballroom/swing)

14. become a mentor to a younger girl

15. make myself a new wardrobe

16. have a "real" job

17. get into better physical shape

18. be homeless, for a little while

19. travel and live (shorterm) in a foreign place

20. get to know my extended family better

21. volunteer someplace that makes a difference

22. watch every episode of Sailor moon/Dragon Ball

23. work in a cafe/coffee shop

24. update my autobiography

25. read Moby Dick, and other classics

“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” – Henry Ford

Even though I should most definitely be going to sleep I have too much in my head to rest. This weekend has been very emotionally trying. My mind is going in many directions and I don't know where to start. It's been almost a year since I last went to Spooner to visit; the last time I was there was for Chris' funeral. And even though you'd think that would be a major contributor to my emotional state I doubt the sincerity of that statement. Chris helped me through a lot of the stuff post-Tate (is my life ever really "post-Tate"?) drama and being back in town knowing he was there threw me off balance. There is a fine line between my fear and desire to see him. Until I found out that he married Alyssa (who has a baby with Tate's brother Titus...) and welp, that pretty much ruined my ability to think right there. My heart stopped for about a minute and my mind started to sizzle and fry until I regained most of my composure.

On top of that I am still dealing with lingering feelings and thoughts on James. It's much better than a few months ago but I'm still not okay with everything. I accept it, and am blessed by the "break up" but the consequences of investing so much of my heart into him and that relationship are rippling through my life. To be sincerely honest with you despite all of the time I spend being affected by it, I haven't actually spent any time processing through and learning from it. Guessing that means it's about time to do another relationship-related post, huh?