So, it's been a while since I posted an entry with the latest insights into my ridiculous, yet wonderful life. I don't even know where to start! I am at my grandparents house in Fergus Falls, MN because I am terribly behind in my class and I was hoping that by coming up here I would be able to get a lot done. Well, I've done more homework today than I have done in the last four days! I am almost positive, by 99% that I will fail this class a second time and as a result, flunk out of college a second time as well. Perhaps, with this next semester off I can figure my life out?
I can honestly say that I am a mess! My priorities are truly screwed up. I keep thinking that if I can just get married, then worry about the rest...then maybe it will be easier to grow up and to do things right. I doubt that really works, and I don't think that is the right way to go about it. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be 19 years old and have no idea what you're doing with your life? When I was graduating from high school I had my life pretty well mapped out. I was going to college for four to five years at a pretty awesome liberal Christian college, going to 5 years of seminary, then getting a real job. Somewhere in there was falling in love and getting married, starting a family and saving the world.
So much for that...I mean, I totally trust God. And I'm trying to accept the fact that His (perfect) plans are often, almost always, going to oppose mine. It's hard to cling to the truth that He has ordained every moment of my life. I mean, was it really God's will for me to go through everything last fall? Was I really meant to flunk out of college? How do I find the right balance of accepting responsibility for my actions while giving God total credit?
Okay, so I'm heading back to the cities tomorrow morning. I have to be at the bus stop at 7am. On the bright side, Nana said that she would buy me coffee for my trip! Seriously, I am slightly nervous. Sure, it's a public transit bus so their could be some freaky creeper and who knows maybe I won't make it home! Fine! That is highly unlikely but that doesn't make it less scary!
When I get back life isn't going to slow down much. With it being the holidays maybe I shouldn't expect it to slow down. Even if my life were to balance out I don't think that it would last because I get so easily bored. Very truly I admit that I love my go-go-go lifestyle. It's hard being a home-body but hating to be home! Anyways, after I get to town I am heading to my mom's work, going to "study" there until she is done. After she drops me off at home I have to head over to church, and work to pick up my check. I'm anxious, nervous and excited to see my friends again. Thursday is pretty open, homework only. Friday I am working for Mr. B along with the other kids too. We are doing the yearly total inventory at WIT and the pay is like ten dollars an hour! I sooo could use the money! Saturday Shea mentioned shopping, and it's Opal's moving away party that night. We are ordering Buffalo Wild Wings and playing boardgames! I am really going to miss her!
Sunday is church, obviously. And all my class work is due at midnight. Is it even worth it to keep going? I know that I am incapable of completing the course, so should I just forget about it? I think I will do some more, as to show I am not giving up...though I gave up a long time ago.
Wow! This is ridiculously long already! And I haven't even started on the relationship stuff yet! Haha, perhaps I will do that after "the talk" ...James and I have been working hard at being just friends. It's really not easy! But, I'll do a short separate post about it! For now, I think it's time to publish this, and do one more!=)
