me: in A-Z

I terribly misuse these but here's another one anyways.
A - If I’m in love. I'm in delusion; wish it was love.
B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was. Hannah.
C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed. Since Sunday morning.
D - If I have a preference for boys or girls. Men.
E - How many holes I have in my ears. Two.
F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’ I like my coffee hot, and my ice cream cold.
G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to. Maybe my roommates?
H - The last person I hugged. Also, I don't remember.
I - The last time I felt jealous, and why. Liz, because she's dating a non-christian and is fine.
J - How old I am. 20.
K- What my full name is. Janell Jean Bergman
L - If I have siblings. many.
M - If I forgive betrayal. too quickly, perhaps.
N - If you want to know how I treat my friends. I treat them lovingly, selfishly, and with respect. 
O - If I like my school. I dropped out. But wanna go back; mixed feelings about my college.
P - What kind of music I like. oldies, acoustic rock, rockabilly, jazz. 
Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be. never..
R - For me to tell a secret. I'm not sure why I even want him anymore.
S - 2 habits. I pick my nose, and bite my lip.
T- 5 things I love unconditionally. the human condition is incapable of loving unconditionally. 
U - How many texts I send daily. I don't know. Not many, too many.
V - 3 big dreams. Travel, Start a Family, Be a Leader.
W - An idol. my romantic side.
X - If I’ve done something I regret very much. not trusting God more quickly.
Y - If I like my town and why. it's alright, wish I was closer to downtown. 
Z - One random fact about you. I'm not alright, tonight. Somberly, sobering up to the idea of submission. Desperately clinging to the dream that I can have both my God and my man.

       100 thanks and givings       

64. a fire place to warm up next to while enjoying a cup of coffee
65. new clothes (and having pants again!) 
66. a dad and mom who both love me even if they don't love each other.
67. years of "watching" my brother
68. Ben's help yesterday in getting ready for Sunerchomai
69. free internet, still.
70. my sister's protection, if only they could protect my heart for me too.
71. big dinners on Sunday and leftovers on Monday.
72. "adopt a senior" perks for free meals on campus
73. a day in class: Human Sexuality
74. roommates who can be angry, the right way.
75. actions that speak louder than words.
76. divinely timed messages from old friends!

100 Thanks and Givings (cont'd)

25. my car (even if I have to wait a few weeks to get it).

26. my couch (a darn good, well spent $20 two years ago!)

27. an ex who walked away, and stayed away; glad he chose God and saved us both.

28. my dad who gave me $100 to help buy my car (despite his own poverty).

29. Josh Garrels Love & War & the Sea Inbetween album

30. Dom and Heather (co-workers) calling to check on my when I was sick!

31. the journal isaac gave to me a while back!

November, Honey

Hello Honeybee's. 

If only you could see how beautiful my house is; I'm quite falling in love with it! Oh, and happy November! October, darling, you'll be missed but more and more I think it's time to let you go. Again. Last month was filled with romance, and adventure and some great revelations and small heart renovations; what will this month bring?

This afternoon, as I sip my tea and watch the sun filter through the bare branches and stubborn leaves, I feel another weighty break through emerging. You know that feeling you get when you know you did something wrong, and that one person who you wouldn't ever want knowing about it already knows, but you haven't addressed it? This is that, mixed with relief; it's bittersweet.

After spending nearly every day together 2 weeks ago Justin and I didn't see each other last week until Friday. And again on Saturday... he stayed the night. We made dinner together (chicken broccoli Alfredo, with garlic bread and cheesecake) and watched Bridesmaids (well, most of it. The Redbox disc was so scratched the whole movie skipped). Then we fell asleep under the glow in the dark stars the pepper the basement ceiling; it feels so good to be tucked into his arms. And at the same time something is missing. This didn't used to feel so cheap. Beginnings are always the sweetest aren't they?

 {100 thanks and givings}

17. Lindsay and Laura for planning and preparing an amazing meal at Sunerchomai last night!

18. Sisters: Brianna, Emily, Mariah, Tina, Sara, Chrystal, Sorina, Hannah, Ruthiey, and Cait

19. two days off in a row (today and tomorrow) to rest, and refocus.

20. payday is this Thursday (my first full paycheck from Subway)

21. the bible studies that Sara is leading me through

22. shared experiences; those "signs" from other's lives that help you know where to go (or not to go).

23. Jake, who is saturated in the Spirit, who overflows Truth through his life.

24. This poem by Ruthiey: 

truth is costly

but lies cost so much more

they bite, scramble, fray you all about

they blacken, bruise and lessen

lies can seem costly, comforting, alluring

but truth is worth so much more

treasure it like diamonds

wear truth all over your heart

so lies, costly lies, have no inlet

100 Thanks and Givings

November is notorious for 2 things: beards and turkey. But I wanted to celebrate this season of thanks by listing 100 things that I'm thankful for. Going beyond goatee's and gobblers, this month I also want to give back and so with each post this month I'm going to include Thanks and Givings!

1. rent-free living while I get back on my feet
2. a new job that's more than perfect! 
3. sisters [in Christ] who stand by my side despite some ugly sins in my life
4. a college that still helps me to get on track [even though i'm not a current student]
5. having someone to explore this city with last month
6. grandparents who supported me in high school
7. God's patience with me
8. a cell phone bill that I can afford [even if it's not working]
9. living close to my parents and other family
10. people who read/follow/support my blog
11. Emily, who is helping me to let go of him...
12. living along side other Christians
13. free bagels
14. good health [many of my friends are having serious health issues]
15. God's obvious hand in helping me get untangled
16. Caribou's free internet [can't get internet at home anymore! boo!]

giving: did dishes for my roommates, because I love them and knew they were both busy!

Well, that's a start anyways. oh, and in case you were wondering, my day is going crappy. But, I'm assured that there is a reason behind all this. It just bites. To fill you in, I realized that I was spending a lot of time with Justin (neglecting my responsibilities and duties as a friend, roommate and blogger!) so I cancelled our adventure for today; he was obviously upset and said maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while. And of course I agree, but it still sucks because I miss him. Oh, AND my phone isn't working. so it's making everything worse. I'm having a hard time staying optimistic... which is saying something! Anyways, hope everyone's weeks are starting off better than mine!