Loose Ends and Resolutions

This is the time of year that we all make good-intentioned goals and resolutions in forms of lists that we vow to finally complete (how satisfying it will be to be vindicated of our former, less competent, less beautiful, thin, organized, smart, creative selves). Well, this year I am not falling victim to that useless garbage. 

I'm not setting a list of goals that I'm not guaranteed to complete; I'm going to 

s   l   o   w       d    o    w   n 

and move at a delicate pace instead tumbling through my life. 

In my declaration against traditional resolutions I feel it is necessary to clarify what I mean when I'm using the term. Resolution means to resolve something. 
re·solve
1. to come to a definite or earnest decision; determine
2. to convert or transform by any process
3. to be reduced or changed by breaking up
4. music: to progress from a dissonance to a consonance

Change happens whether we follow our lists or not. We are transformed not by setting goals and achieving them. It happens in every moment of every day of our lives. My resolution, is that in the process of tying my loose ends I will be aware of the process of being resolved. 

l   o   o   s   e       e   n   d   s :
old·flames
new·addictions
identity·crisis
mounting·debts
mind·renewal

and a thousand more that I have yet to discover.

My life is messy and reckless; frayed. I am in a state of unrest. I need completion. I am wandering, but not lost. This is the perfect time to tie up any loose ends left vagrant. There is still a great deal of untangling to do and I'm sure there are still parts of me left to be unraveled. I say all of this humbly, from a seat of vulnerability and weakness. And in this I am perfectly strong, confident and hopeful. Who am I to say what this year will bring? I don't even know where I am going, just that I will take each day step by step until I arrive there.