How Do You Measure a Year?

How Do You Measure a Year?

In cups of coffee? In alarms snoozed? 

Hugs? Hello's? Maybe in miles spent or moments shared?

Friends gained? Enemies made?

It's been about a year since my dad dropped me off outside Bethlehem Baptist Church on a windy and sunny Sunday morning; It was my first time there. Jordan had invited me to hang out at his church after we had hung out a few times before. I arrived early with my backpack, a duffel bag, a pillow and sat huddled on the floor for about 40 minutes waiting for him. Smelling like smoke and mildew I am not surprised that not a single soul acknowledged me which encouraged my quickly retreating confidence to further pull back. Surrounded by unfamiliar faces I was flooded with relief when I received the text from Jordan saying that he was finally there. Moments later he appeared and two others tagged along. Somewhat awkward casual greetings were exchanged and then we four headed into the service (which had already started). We sat along the back wall on the floor. I was incredibly uncomfortable and insecure because I knew that I smelled raunchy. But everyone was polite and friendly, not mentioning my odor. After being dismissed we exited the sanctuary and more fully did introductions. The first was Shea: the silent conversationalist. She was tall and plainly beautiful, looking remarkably like her older sibling. Robert was long-haired and visually out of place amongst the sea of Sunday's best dressed. A few visits later would reveal more friends and as winter became spring, and spring finally warmed to summer the group had been defined with Jordan, DeLaney, Robert, Crystal, James and Shea. Of course other's are intermingled within the time contained in a year, but these were my Lovely Jankies: The beloved friends of inner circle of my heart.

It's been 2 weeks since what I call "the breakup" which really is just the end of something good, and the beginning of something better. Beyond the romantically inclined relationship that I had with James (which will be blogged about soon, I promise!) the break up of the group has been heavy on my heart lately. The ones that I once called my friends, now sometimes feel like my enemies. Just saying that makes my heart turn and twist a little.

Perhaps one of the hardest lessons learned from my Relationships class is the same truth Mrs. H commented about last fall. Just like the natural seasons we experience, our lives go through relational seasons. A year later and it's funny to me how things have played out. Jordan, who used to be one of my closest friends seems to have given up on our friendship. I have been the least close with DeLaney which means that our already temperamental relationship is even more estranged. James and I aren't talking still. Shea (the honorary member) and I are on good terms, though it's been a while since we were able to spend some time together. Robert and Crystal seem to be consistently and steadily by my side. Lesson learned so far from this unfavorable situation? Friends come and go, but God stays the same. He has crafted each soul, each moment, each friendship, each break up and make up, and He has faithfully been there when every other person wasn't. He scripted the seasons of my life and I am thankful for the beginning and end of each! No wonder He calls Himself the Alpha and the Omega!

Realistically, this cooling ember of friendship that is between Jordan, DeLaney, James and myself could turn into ash and soot. My relationships with Robert, Crystal and Shea has a warmth and closeness that is comforting and I believe that there is still some time left before our season ends. Despite this tearing apart of "the 6", I am hopeful that all of my Lovely Jankies can continue into this next season with me. Maybe we will look different and our roles and relationships to one another will be different, but I cherish these souls and desire to spend a little bit more time with them. Things won't be the same. And honestly, I am looking forward to whatever God has in store for us. If it is His will though that this really is the end for "us" then I can be satisfied.

I can be satisfied because my life is a living testimony to the goodness of God's plans for my life. In parallel to the cyclical ride of these relationships, my heart is in a time of transformation. I feel myself walking out of darkness and into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9) That joy, light and happiness that I have thirsted and hungered for in the beginning of this year has been seeping and peeking through my heart lately. Friday was so wonderful! I forgot how awesome it feels to be happy just because you're happy! A glint of True Joy has encouraged my soul and my gift of encouragement seems to be strengthening. All of this because God is fulfilling in me the promises He laid out for us in Philippians. In Phil 1:6 He promises to bring us to completion and in 3:21 He promises to transform us! Both of these because of Christ who is complete! Who is perfected!

Months back, God stopped me in the book of Philippians and He is fulfilling the promises (above) through the story of scripture. Phil 3:7-11 is why and how I know that He is in control of everything!

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith--that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead."

I have "lost" my relationship with James. I fear living a lonely life if the rest of my friendships are lost. But my fear is replaced with hope! I hope to lose whatever it takes in order that I may gain Christ. I hope that in this next season God brings this text closer to completion! To share in the life and death of Jesus, faithfully receiving His righteousness is more beautiful a gain and reward than a boyfriend. It is more valuable than many friends! Jesus! If all that I held dear was in my hands I would open my fists and offer everything to you right now! You are my thirst-quenching waters! You are my Joy and my Light! You are the reason I am alive from now until eternity! Thank you! 

In one year, God has written His testimony on my life. How do I measure a year like that? In hopes and  transformations.