on a personal note: the truth is

Darlings, December has arrived much the way that a bird changes direction to keep the wind beneath her wings. To myself I wonder, where did November go? She was here and in a moment was gone. Alas, this new month is welcomed because with it comes the tying of loose ends and resolution of another year gone by.

With regard to my own sin-struggles and current failings, this is damaging the sanity of our home. Over the summer, when I first came to visit I was welcomed, ushered in by the Spirit if you will. I knew this was a place of healing, and truth and deep peace. I knew this would be a home of war; I didn't know that it would be against one another. Some time in the last month a door has been opened and evil things have been twisting us up. Instead of fighting in Victory over our sinful nature we are fighting with each other. I have my own drafty doors and windows in my soul and heart.

To be honest, this tension and anger is familiar and reminiscent of the early parts of the year when contention and bitterness sent ripples through my friendships with "the 6". So the question wiggling itself into my mind is this: is this my fault? 

The truth is that back then I was living a double life and each life fragment was cocooned in lies and half-truths. The truth is that I tried to fix my life by dealing with the sin on the surface, while hiding the shameful sin-addiction that was underlying. The truth is that God showed me what to do to start denying those layers of sin and I chose to ignore Him. The truth is that I was blatantly disobedient. The truth is that all of this is still true.

In my post about conviction, submission, and confession from October I left out the part where this is all a work in progress. And that I'm just beginning this process from lies into truth.

On another note this is what's new in my life! I applied and interviewed at ACR Homes (a company related to the Subway that I already work at!) and am now only awaiting the call. Jokingly I said to my roommates tonight that I won't be disappointed if I don't get the job, but if I do then I'll be scared! It's a completely new type of work and no doubt will be challenging. The greatest plus-side to working there though will be the way I can see myself growing more compassionate for people with special needs/elderly.

My cousin picked me up late on Monday night so I could borrow her car so I could make it to the interview and I have been at her house since then! It's been nice to take a "break" from the house. I traded the hostility for a brief breath of peace and happiness. My heart, and mind needed the time away and this week has been good to re-establish myself and to get balanced. I'm hoping to bring some of that back with me to my house! I have a good outlook and hope for us ladies at the Sunerchomai house!

Well, darlings, I'm off again! If only there was more time we could sit and talk because I have more to say!