P31: Days Twelve and Thirteen :)

1. What wears you out as a woman?

annnnnd

2. What's something you'd like to change about yourself for the better?

Well, first there is a looong list of things that wear on me. The heaviest burdens lately that have been relational. If you've known me for a while you know that my family situation is quite complex and often times frustrating. Most recently the drama of moving mixed with meeting my cousin (my uncle and his wife/children are somewhat estranged from the family for various reasons) has been exhausting, though very rewarding. Yesterday was one of the most wonderful days of my life and I will treasure the moments that I spent with my cousins and aunt forever; I fear that it might be the first and only time I get with them for a while. It breaks my heart to see so much hurt in their lives both in their home, and in the things that are affecting them. All I can do is pray and trust that Jesus will recreate them and restore their relationships and have no fear! Katherine, if you read this know that I love you and can't wait to see how God "brings to completion the good work he began in you" because I've seen a vision for your family, and it's beautiful.

I'm thankful for the time we spent together because I feel like she is in a place to deeply understand my call to San Francisco. Honestly, I feel like most everyone else doesn't and can't understand my motivations and true reason for going. I use the church as a convenient and tangible way for others to measure this adventure, but really the only way to measure it is through the Spirit. This is a spiritual mission of mine. I'm seeking the Lord there. By changing my location, I will be changed (this is how life works, right?) but this is about changing in my heart before and through God. I'll have to organize my thoughts on this and post it on my other blog: a foreigner in the land.

What changes? Oh boy, that's a long list too. Most of it is unseen but a few external changes for myself are mingled in too. I'd like to be physically healthier. I wish I used my time more effectively. If only I didn't get so lazy and slack on cleaning my room. And I'd love to be better about thinking before I speak, following through with my commitments and be a better rememberer (I'm terribly forgetful). Spiritually, I desire to be more consistent, more prayerful, and to be more disciplined in seeking God intimately.

I've tried time and time again to construct my life to change my heart, but only God can do that.

beauty quote of the day:

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? (Lily Tomlin)