For Jordan

I miss my friends. But especially Jordan.


"Letting go feels like giving up, giving up feels wrong but I knew this was coming all along: the end is here...What are we waiting for?"

You used to tell me "Jesus loves you." before each goodbye. Now you don't say anything at all. You were my closest friend in the beginning and then days of endless, maddening sun drove us apart. I'm sorry that i couldn't be there for you like you asked me to; I never meant to leave you just like everyone else before me. I didn't want to be like them and i never promised that I wouldn't hurt you but it's sad that I did.

my ignorance, idolatry, and idiotic selfishness is to blame but it's okay---you don't seem to really care as much as I do. You used to text me first, a special though or divinely timed verse; your silence now says everything that your words cannot. I resist this; doubtful that it's supposed to be this way.